i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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