Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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