Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
