For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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