No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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