I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
