this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
