and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The adults are the big ones right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
