New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
