Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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