you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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