Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize