Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
