My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
