My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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