if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
