i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
