I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
