how can u be prego again
I hate all girls vehemently.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
