I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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