i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
