So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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