alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
