I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
