The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
