bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Holy sore nipples Batman
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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