i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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