Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
