Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
