I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
