Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
barbara walters just said penis...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
