Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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