My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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