come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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