Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
