So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
