Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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