I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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