I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
