A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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