he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
