this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize