First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
