i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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