I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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