let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
