i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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