Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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