Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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