I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
