At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
