Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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