Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
