awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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