2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
