I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
