Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
