Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
