So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
