Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
