I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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