Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
