btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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