SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
