im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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