Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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