Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
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Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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