were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
