I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
