All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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