Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
