How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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