I wish I could punch you in the face.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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