That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
