I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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