Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sober January is a disaster.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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