I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
