theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it glows. i had to have it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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