Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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